CANCER IS REAL

I Relay for Nanny and Papa. But before I tell you my story, I want to acknowledge something: everyone has their own cancer story. Mine is neither better nor worse than anyone else’s, but it is my story. It is the reason I want to see cancer’s cure in my lifetime. It’s the reason I have become involved with Relay For Life at UVa, and it is what I come back to when I get stressed out or unmotivated doing my job with Relay. 

Cancer became real to me when I was in the 5th grade. My parents told me gently that my grandmother (Nanny) had been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I didn’t know what cancer was, what an ovary was, or why my mom seemed so upset. Cancer became real though when I saw Nanny’s scars. When I saw her lift up her shirt a couple of days after her surgery, I was wholly unprepared for the sight of a scar running all the way up the length of her stomach. It wasn’t one of those “Oh, you’ll have a great story to tell about that scar” scars. It was a gash, held together by Frankenstein-esque staples. I didn’t know what to say, but at that moment, I began to understand just how real and vicious cancer is.

Cancer became even more real when I shaved my head. I, along with my brothers and cousins, got a buzz cut when Nanny started her chemotherapy. We couldn’t do much to help Nanny in her treatment, but we could try to let her know that we loved her, and shaving our heads as she lost her hair seemed to be the best way that we knew how to tell her . I discovered a little bit of what she must be feeling when I looked in the mirror after that buzz cut. It was horrible. I’ll never shave my head again if I can help it. But the thing is, cancer patients can’t help it. Cancer takes away that decisions of how you want to do your hair. In that moment, looking at my new haircut in the mirror, cancer’s effects became a little more real to me.

Cancer became even more real when Papa, my grandfather, was diagnosed with colon cancer. It seems like just a few days from the time he was diagnosed to the time he passed away, though it was actually a couple of weeks. Cancer was real, cancer was vicious, and cancer was painful as I told Papa how much I loved him in the hospital shortly before he died. I saw how real cancer had become to so many of Papa’s friends and our family at his visitation. It was hard for me to imagine how cancer could be so utterly devastating by taking someone who had meant so much to so many people.

Cancer has become even more real in the past two years at UVa. It has become real as I have met people and heard their stories. It has become real as I have taken classes from professors doing cancer research currently. It has become real as I walk around the track every year at Relay For Life seeing so many names on the Luminaria.

Cancer is real. Now, though, through my work with Relay For Life at UVa, I know that my effect on cancer is real. The money I raise has real effects. The money I raise goes to cancer research. The money I raise goes to give women wigs. The money I raise allows people to get rides to their treatments. The money I raise pays for lodging near treatment facilities for people who have to travel. The money I raise supports advocacy and support groups. The money I raise will one day fund real cures for all types of cancers.

Cancer is real, but so is our work to see its end. Join me and Relay For Life, so that we can live in a cancer free world. 

With RelayLOVE,

Miller Sisson

Greek Recruitment Co-Chair

EVERY BATTLE WITH CANCER ENDS WITH A VICTORY

On March 12, 2014, Shawn Kuykendall beat cancer. Hearing that, you probably picture a triumphant victory over cancer ending with a “happily ever after” and a gradual return to life before cancer. However, that is not the case. During his battle with cancer, Shawn once said, “Live or die, I win” and that is just what he did. Although Shawn eventually passed away, he did not lose his battle. He fought gallantly until the end, and while his outcome may not have been the ideal, it was a victory nonetheless.

Our culture has a way of talking about cancer as a battle. We see cancer patients and we watch them fight with everything they have against an evil disease that is eating away at their bodies. We watch them persevere through the treatment and the bad news. We celebrate every little milestone and ounce of good news with them. And then, when the end draws near, society waits to determine the outcome. Did the person win and beat cancer? Will they get their happily ever after and more years with their family and friends? Or, did the person lose? Did they succumb to cancer, leaving behind all of their loved ones? This is where our narrative is wrong. These cancer patients have spent countless days, months, and years battling cancer day in and day out, and we classify them as victorious simply by the outcome, life or death. If they lived, they won; and, if they died, they lost. We completely overlook every small victory along the way. Every round of chemo they made it through; every surgery; every time their doctors gave them good news. In an instant, all of that is forgotten and and the only thing we consider is did they live or did they die.

Changing this perception isn’t easy. We learn the language surrounding cancer when we first learn about cancer. For some, this doesn’t come until they are older and can truly understand what is happening; but for others, like me, cancer reaches back to some of your earliest memories and it’s hard to even remember a time when cancer wasn’t something you were aware of. When the first person you know finishes their battle with cancer, you hear it. If they survive, society champions them for beating cancer, beating the odds. If they pass away, you hear that “so-and-so” lost their battle to cancer. It isn’t easy to suddenly say that person won, they beat cancer, when you know that they are no longer living. It takes time. In the days leading up to Shawn’s passing, I really started to see the phrase, “Live or die, I win”, all over my social media. However, even after his death, I really struggled to see how this was a win. He was gone. He left behind his family and friends. He had so many people rooting for him, praying, and hoping he would miraculously get better. It wasn’t until last spring when I attended the screening of Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies, that I realized he did win. Shawn had the right mentality the entire time, knowing that no matter what happened he would win. It took me over a year and a two-hour long documentary featuring doctors, patients, and parents discussing the small victories they celebrate every day to finally understand what he had known all along.

Now, I know it won’t be easy to change our language surrounding cancer overnight, but we need to work on it. I’ve stopped saying that “so-and-so” lost their battle with cancer and I hope that one day, this phrase will only be a distant memory, that loss will no longer be associated with cancer. Hopefully, we will see a day where this is true, not because we have changed the perception regarding battles with cancer, but because we have found a cure and a cancer diagnosis no longer comes with fear of death. But in the meantime, while we hope and search for a cure, we need to remember that the victory is in the fight, not the outcome, and that every single person who battles cancer wins. Everyone is victorious in the end. Shawn won.

Thomas Hanley beat lung cancer on September 5, 2002.

Shawn Kuykendall beat thymus cancer on March 12, 2014.

Lois Caldwell beat ovarian cancer nearly 10 years ago!

Jerry Sisson beat colon cancer on December 19, 2008.

Candy Sweeney beats ovarian cancer every day!

Melinda Apgar beats breast cancer every day!

Victoria Antonowich beat breast cancer 3 times!

With RelayLOVE,

Meghan Dalbec

Fundraising Committee Co-Chair

CELEBRATE

Growing up, March 13^th was always a day of celebration in my household. It was my mom’s birthday, and there was nothing better than eating cake and ice cream while we watched her face light up as she opened her cards and presents. Today is March 13^th, and I would do anything to be able to spend her birthday with her again.

To put it all into perspective, my mom wasn’t sick on her birthday in 2010. By her birthday in 2011, she had passed away. I never thought that cancer would affect a beautiful person like her. She was selfless, compassionate, loving, and a wonderful mother. But cancer is relentless, and with the blink of an eye, she became terminally ill with multiple brain tumors. It all happened so fast – one minute they weren’t even sure it was cancer, the next minute she was in a wheelchair, then next minute she was having brain surgeries and chemotherapy. Later, the seizures began, and before I knew it, I was sitting in her hospital room holding her hand, talking to her even though she was no longer responsive. A few days later, I woke up and she was gone.

Every single day without her is tough, but days like today are especially hard. Today is her birthday. It’s supposed to be all about her. We are supposed to spoil her and show her how much she is loved. We are supposed to celebrate as a family, and it’s a day that I never really pictured to happen without her.

She may not be here with us, but that doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate. We can continue to celebrate her life, her love, and all of the ways she touched the lives of the people around her. She truly was an incredible woman, and I am so lucky that I got her out of all the mom’s in the world.

There is one more thing I want to celebrate today – the progress that has been made toward finding the cure for cancer. Not only do I relay in memory of my mom, but I relay so that one day, everyone who has been affected by cancer in some way can celebrate happily knowing that no one else will have to suffer from this disease.

We can do it. We can do it because of organizations like Relay For Life. Happy birthday, Mom – we WILL finish the fight for you.

With RelayLove,

Ashley Self '15

Survivorship Committee Chair

THE FACES OF CANCER

Cancer affects everyone. I know this seems obvious and self-explanatory, but I think we often forget this. My first real memories of cancer date back to my childhood when I lost my grandfather to lung cancer. For a long time, he was the only person I had known with cancer, and as an eight year old girl, I just assumed that cancer is something only old people get. As I grew up, I became increasingly aware of how cancer touches the lives of so many people, both young and old.

Today, February 4, is World Cancer Day, a day where we engage in an open dialogue about cancer by honoring those who have battled and won, remembering those who lost the fight, and by moving forward towards the day when World Cancer Day will be a celebration of finding the cure for this disease. In the spirit of this year’s theme of debunking the cancer myths, I wanted to share some of my favorite “Relay Moments” that remind me daily of Why I Relay.

Dear 16 Year Old Me

I like this video because I think it’s both powerful and informative.  Before watching this I would have never thought that at 20 I would be at risk of malignant melanoma, let alone from that one bad sunburn three summers ago. This video highlights the reality of who cancer touches, the vast age range and the infinite faces of cancer – fighters, survivors, doctors, nurses, loved ones, etc.

Brave

This video is amazing. You can’t help but just have the biggest smile on your face the whole time. The Pediatric Hematology/Oncology unit at this hospital made a video to Sara Bareilles’ Brave and that’s just what these kids are – brave. It is easy to sometimes forget or try to ignore that children suffer from cancer, just like adults. This video demonstrates that while some children do battle cancer, they are still able to live out a somewhat normal childhood with a big smile and an insurmountable strength.

The Battle We Didn’t Choose

Last year, while perusing the internet during yet another boring lecture, I came across this site and started scrolling through the photo gallery instead of the lecture slides. Note to self: it becomes pretty obvious that you aren’t reading psych slides when you start tearing up while looking at your laptop. Anyways, this blog had a poignant message. Angelo documented his wife’s entire battle with breast cancer through stunning black and white photographs. The photos are so moving and powerful and I felt like I was in his place living through the highs and lows of his wife’s entire journey, from the diagnosis to the final snapshot of her battle.

#Kuykenstrong

So I may be biased, but I think I saved the best for last. I know Shawn. In fact, while I always Relay in memory of my grandfather, this year I Relay for Shawn. Shawn was my soccer coach for 9 years and is the older brother I never had. This past summer, Shawn was diagnosed with Stage 4 thymus cancer and The Washington Post followed Shawn, a former soccer player for DC United, around for parts of his journey, interviewing him and his family. The video exposes his true vulnerabilities, especially when he claims, “I just want to live,” but it serves as an incredible example of the positive outlook on life that one can live by while in the midst of adversity. It inspires me to live my daily life with the same love of life, passion, faith and bravery that Shawn exhibits in his fight against cancer.

With Relaylove,

Meghan Dalbec '16

Corporate Sponsorship Chair

PS I know that last one is hard to watch/read. So here’s an additional video that is sure to put a smile on your face if not make you laugh.