Relay For Life at UVA: EVERY BATTLE WITH CANCER ENDS WITH A VICTORY

On March 12, 2014, Shawn Kuykendall beat cancer. Hearing that, you probably picture a triumphant victory over cancer ending with a “happily ever after” and a gradual return to life before cancer. However, that is not the case. During his battle with cancer, Shawn once said, “Live or die, I win” and that is just what he did. Although Shawn eventually passed away, he did not lose his battle. He fought gallantly until the end, and while his outcome may not have been the ideal, it was a victory nonetheless.

Our culture has a way of talking about cancer as a battle. We see cancer patients and we watch them fight with everything they have against an evil disease that is eating away at their bodies. We watch them persevere through the treatment and the bad news. We celebrate every little milestone and ounce of good news with them. And then, when the end draws near, society waits to determine the outcome. Did the person win and beat cancer? Will they get their happily ever after and more years with their family and friends? Or, did the person lose? Did they succumb to cancer, leaving behind all of their loved ones? This is where our narrative is wrong. These cancer patients have spent countless days, months, and years battling cancer day in and day out, and we classify them as victorious simply by the outcome, life or death. If they lived, they won; and, if they died, they lost. We completely overlook every small victory along the way. Every round of chemo they made it through; every surgery; every time their doctors gave them good news. In an instant, all of that is forgotten and and the only thing we consider is did they live or did they die.

Changing this perception isn’t easy. We learn the language surrounding cancer when we first learn about cancer. For some, this doesn’t come until they are older and can truly understand what is happening; but for others, like me, cancer reaches back to some of your earliest memories and it’s hard to even remember a time when cancer wasn’t something you were aware of. When the first person you know finishes their battle with cancer, you hear it. If they survive, society champions them for beating cancer, beating the odds. If they pass away, you hear that “so-and-so” lost their battle to cancer. It isn’t easy to suddenly say that person won, they beat cancer, when you know that they are no longer living. It takes time. In the days leading up to Shawn’s passing, I really started to see the phrase, “Live or die, I win”, all over my social media. However, even after his death, I really struggled to see how this was a win. He was gone. He left behind his family and friends. He had so many people rooting for him, praying, and hoping he would miraculously get better. It wasn’t until last spring when I attended the screening of Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies, that I realized he did win. Shawn had the right mentality the entire time, knowing that no matter what happened he would win. It took me over a year and a two-hour long documentary featuring doctors, patients, and parents discussing the small victories they celebrate every day to finally understand what he had known all along.

Now, I know it won’t be easy to change our language surrounding cancer overnight, but we need to work on it. I’ve stopped saying that “so-and-so” lost their battle with cancer and I hope that one day, this phrase will only be a distant memory, that loss will no longer be associated with cancer. Hopefully, we will see a day where this is true, not because we have changed the perception regarding battles with cancer, but because we have found a cure and a cancer diagnosis no longer comes with fear of death. But in the meantime, while we hope and search for a cure, we need to remember that the victory is in the fight, not the outcome, and that every single person who battles cancer wins. Everyone is victorious in the end. Shawn won.