The day after Christmas the
countdown began, every year without fail for as long as I can remember. The
thought never crossed my mind that this would be the year I didn’t hear my
grandmother exclaim, “Guess what everyone! 365 days until Christmas!”
With every dedicated chime,
“6 months until Christmas…2 months…10 days…3…2…1,” Nene recalled the fact that
Christmas was around the corner, not forgetting to mention that I better behave
to avoid a piece of coal in my stocking come the morning of. She was the
ultimate yearlong advent calendar, and her fudge was better than any chocolate
hiding behind a little cardboard door. However the gesture was far more than a
prolonged drumroll for the big day, it was a continuation of the holiday
spirit. She was reminding us that the warmth and love evoked during the season
does not come and go as the winter months pass, rather it is all around us, all
the time. And sometimes it takes a special person to show that before you realize
it for yourself.
Losing someone you love is the
hardest thing in the world to deal with. When you witness what cancer does to a
person, you want to scream; you do scream, you cry and you hurt, but most of
all, you feel so incredibly helpless. But the thing is, you can’t let anyone know
that; you have to be the strongest in the room as you watch someone you care so
deeply about fade away. Rationalizing it and thinking, “they are no longer
hurting,” temporarily dulls the pain, but truthfully, nothing can change the
fact that come Christmas Eve, Nene won’t be sitting in the chair by the fire
drinking the one alcoholic beverage she allowed herself each year, ‘Toasted
Almond.’ It never tasted any good, but she would always sneak me a sip or two. It
was tradition.
When I think of the holidays, I
think tradition. No matter what holiday, every family and every person holds onto
traditions, big and small. I envision
dancing to The Pointer Sisters rendition of 'Santa Claus is Coming To Town' with
my mom, making ‘Reindeer Stew’ with my little cousins and baking everyone’s
favorite Christmas cookies, ‘Meltaways’ and then dueling over the last one. Traditions
are part of the magic that IS the ‘holiday spirit’, but they are incredibly
fragile and that becomes all the more apparent when someone or something is
missing. However, realizing this fragility, welcoming new traditions and
remembering the old allow us to cherish memories while creating more special
moments to smile upon in years to come.
This will be a different Christmas
for my family and I; my mom, brother and I are headed down to Atlanta, GA to
spend Christmas with relatives that we don’t see often enough. It will be the first time that I won’t crawl out of
my bed, wake up everyone too early and cozy up by the fire in my PJs and elf hat. While I reminisce about rushing down the stairs to see what Santa
brought us, our perfected present unwrapping system and the silly stocking
ceremony, I’m anticipating the new traditions and memories that will arise out
of this change. Beneath the hardship and
pain of losing someone you love, there are positives, even something as simple
as learning just how strong you really are. Sometimes those positives are hard
to find, sometimes someone has to show you, but they are there. In the past, as
the holidays came to an end, I all too soon let go of the joy that accompanied
the season. However it was Nene who showed me to look for the good that is born
out of change and to carry it in your heart wherever you go.
With RelayLove,
Publicity Co-Chair
